The other day one of my mentors made this interesting statement, “If you don’t hear no, you haven’t asked for the sale”. Peter Cook is right. As entrepreneurs we skirt around coming right out asking for the sale because we don’t want to appear pushy, as intrapreneurs we don’t ask for the raise, the promotion, the corner office and even though we may desire a relationship, too many of us shy away from asking for the date.
I recently saw Brendon Burchard speak. In his words, “If you are still fearing rejection as an adult then I’m not going with you to Vegas — you are not good at playing the odds.” He then went on to ask the audience to consider if they had ever been rejected by someone. We all put up our hands.
He then said, “Okay, keep your hand up if you can think of three people who rejected you.” About half the audience put their hand down. I myself was thinking hard. I could come up with two names, but three? Still, I kept my hand up anyway because I reasoned – ‘there must have been three at some point in my life’. Five? My hand had to come down then. A remaining third of the audience joined me. Ten? Only a handful out of the thousands in attendance remained.
He then asked how many of us could think of a hundred conversations in which we were not rejected. All of us raised our hands. A thousand? The majority of us kept our hands up. “See”, he said, “you’re not playing the odds. For a 1 out of a 1,000 chance, you won’t even roll the dice.”
Most of us fear rejection. Not because it’s actually risky to be rejected – the word no doesn’t actually hurt – it’s because we have collapsed ‘rejecting me’ with ‘rejecting my offer’. We take rejection personally, instead of hearing “it’s not right for me”, or “not right now” – our identity shrinks at the word no.
When I was new at sales I never used to ask for the sale either, that is until one of my potential clients said, “Adele, do you not want me to join your program? Since you’re not asking I’m thinking it must be because I’m not a good fit.”
That’s when I realized the fear of rejection cuts both ways. If you don’t ask, you are leaving it up to the other person to interpret why you are not asking and more often than not, they have their own internal voice that is questioning, ‘Am I not good enough?’ So roll the dice and take your chances. Odds are you’ll hit the jackpot.
Are you struggling with a fear of rejection? Click here to book a free call with me. We’ll bust through this pattern together and get you on the road to no’s and a LOT more yes’s.