Trying to change something? Do this instead.
Do you feel held back by fears, self-doubts, procrastination, or limiting beliefs?
Many people face personal struggles such as these. If this is you too, you might be trying to change them?
For example, when I first met Aubrey* she lived by her calendar.
If anyone accidentally missed an appointment with Aubrey, she felt angry and betrayed.
She also had beliefs about money. Mainly that it was the root of all evil.
She came by this belief honestly. She had been brought up in a family that pursued money at the expense of emotional happiness.
What to do?
Aubrey could see that these actions and beliefs weren’t working. She was trying desperately to find the best plan for behaviour change and had tried changing them using all sorts of approaches - coaching, affirmations, integrity techniques, etc. etc.
It seemed to her that the more she tried to change, the worse she felt.
Imagine that you have a square object and you try to make it round. You might start by chiseling away the corners, shaping it, forming it, working it…
… but regardless of how round you make it, the original square still forms the foundation.
Transformation is different.
Transformation does not start by trying to change something. In fact, it doesn’t begin with anything at all.
Transformation is what the butterfly experiences when it leaves the caterpillar behind.
If you open the chrysalis at just the right moment, you will find nothing at all.
No caterpillar and no butterfly…
… just empty space.
When we change something, we try to make it into something it’s not.
When we transform something, we start with removing what doesn’t work.
And with this as our starting point, there is no caterpillar to clip our wings and prevent us from flying.
So, Aubrey set to work removing the patterns that weren’t working, and as she did so her transformation was dramatic.
The rigid, overly careful Aubrey was replaced by a powerful woman with all her resources at her disposal.
Inside of about four weeks I started receiving these amazing phone calls. “I’m in Costa Rica. I’ve just been offered a job”, she would laugh into the phone. Or, “I need to postpone our call, I’ve got a radio interview this afternoon.” Or, “I just got a tattoo, I’ll send you a pic.”
Suddenly, she was living a life of spontaneity and fun.
People began to flock to her. They wanted the same level of ease and joy. She was being offered jobs everywhere.
Inside of a couple of months she took a job teaching in Dubai. She was singularly selected out of a pool of over 500 applicants.
This is a pretty high-level transformation.
Unlike change, transformation doesn’t take years, or decades. In just weeks you’ll be doing all the right things to get you to that goal without the need to overthink or strategize.
Now that’s powerful!